Mid Week Reflection

 

Dear Debra:

          It is noon on Wednesday and the sun is shining.  The USA NCIS marathon is on in the background. Tiger is sleeping beside me and Sky is under the covers on the bed.  I have a letter to a pen pal in AZ beside me and I thought since I wasn’t doing much today I would get it written. 

          I haven’t finished Monday’s entry yet and I didn’t write much yesterday.  I was kind of angry at a discussion Liz and I had Monday night.  We had gotten a call from Cheryl who just had a conversation with Lawyer guy and apparently he told her to have us make a list of things I still needed or wanted. So we did. We also talked about finances and hoped to submit to see if Lawyer would do as he promised.  We fully realize he may not.

She says I need to be a little more responsible about the finances and she seems to believe that I feel I am entitled to things.  She believed that Mom had me go to all weddings and trips.  I reminded her that just last week when we were shopping and she wanted to buy a whole lot of stuff for the condo I said no.  She acknowledged that. 

I think what angered me was the fact what she said was exactly what my late asshole grandmother said many years ago to me. (the comment about the weddings).  I probably said I don’t know or probably nothing at all but I almost wanted to tell my sister it is none of her business how or why. 

Of course I haven’t said anything more to her about it since then but she doesn’t know what arrangements we (Mom and I had).  She doesn’t know what I have done with others when she wasn’t present.   I don’t think its her business. 

She feels that if I don’t control the spending that someone would have to step in and give me a stipend or allowance.  Or I would end up losing the condo and end up in Assistant living.

I know I have said this many times in the last several months but I keep thinking she is gathering proof of my bad decisions/and actions despite the fact she is trying to help.